Score One for the Man From Uranus

Barney Frank is TV's Hero of the Week. And some extremely cool voguing kids. They're heroic too.

BY Dave White

August 21 2009 12:00 AM ET

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And finally, I really like these gays here:

&amp;lt;/p&amp;gt; &amp;lt;p&amp;gt;And while I love their energy and their determination to keep Paris burning and their commitment to Serving the Children and doing backflips in heels, what I really like is how squealy and bouncy they get when Beyoncé addresses them directly. I&amp;#39;d probably do the same thing if that lady said my name out loud, even if it was pre-taped. I also think that the fat one is a bad-ass for wearing a sausage-tight sparkly top. Flop that belly around, gay!&amp;lt;/p&amp;gt; &amp;lt;p&amp;gt;Check this segue I have more things to say about all the fat people on the small screen this month. And as a member of not only the Joan Holloway Appreciation Society but also of an informal group I like to call The Fats, I possess total authority to pass judgment on how TV presents us. My proclamations of right now:&amp;lt;/p&amp;gt; &amp;lt;p&amp;gt;1. &amp;lt;i&amp;gt;More to Love&amp;lt;/i&amp;gt; loves Luke, its fat guy bachelor (he cannonballs into pools!), but treats its fat lady bachelorettes like dirty secrets (they skulk around in bikinis, terrified). My game with this show is to fast-forward the TiVo and stop at random moments. And no matter where you stop, one of the women is on the verge of tears and talking about how much she loves that Luke accepts her for who she is. Of COURSE he does. He SAID he likes big chicks. The show seems to think he&amp;#39;s lying. The women can&amp;#39;t seem to believe it either. Haven&amp;#39;t straight people heard of bears yet? Has Kirstie Alley taught us nothing?&amp;lt;/p&amp;gt; &amp;lt;p&amp;gt;2. I can&amp;#39;t wait to see Ruby, the singsong-voiced star of &amp;lt;i&amp;gt;Ruby&amp;lt;/i&amp;gt; , get down to her goal weight, whatever it is. Before the show started she was 700 pounds and never left the house. Now she&amp;#39;s redecorating and bitching about how much new furnishings cost and firing personal trainers and gleefully giving tours of Savannah in which she points out houses where people murdered their entire families. So if weight loss keeps her out in the community like that, then more power to her. I just want that ex-boyfriend of hers to take a hike. He bugs me. Always creepin&amp;#39; around, just waiting for her to start being attractive to him again. It&amp;#39;s gross.&amp;lt;/p&amp;gt; &amp;lt;p&amp;gt;3. I quit watching &amp;lt;i&amp;gt;Dance Your Ass Off&amp;lt;/i&amp;gt; because no one&amp;#39;s a good dancer on that show except awesome host Marissa Jaret Winokur and, though I find this difficult to admit, I actually got bored watching extremely jiggly and sweaty fat-wads flop around. You&amp;#39;d think that would never stop being entertaining, but it actually becomes tedious after a while.&amp;lt;/p&amp;gt; &amp;lt;p&amp;gt;4. Extreme eating show &amp;lt;i&amp;gt;Bizarre Foods With Andrew Zimmern&amp;lt;/i&amp;gt; just gave me my first personal &amp;lt;i&amp;gt;Ruby&amp;lt;/i&amp;gt; moment. Because it grossed me out so much I can&amp;#39;t conceive of eating anything when I replay the images in my brain. Chunky, enthusiastic host Zimmern goes to the Philippines and gobbles down a &amp;lt;i&amp;gt;balut&amp;lt;/i&amp;gt; , which is a fertilized duck egg, steamed and served in the shell. A half-liquid, half-hard-boiled, fully-beaked crunch-sensation. It is allegedly delicious. But next time I&amp;#39;m having a portion-control problem I&amp;#39;ll just Rolodex that image.&amp;lt;/p&amp;gt;