Advocate's Queen on the NYC Theater Scene

There were no stars at the equally packed May 31 opening of Thank You For Being a Friend: The Musical -- except maybe for the horrified ghost of Bea Arthur. An unauthorized Golden Girls parody playing Sundays through July 12 at the Kraine Theater, Nick Brennan's and Luke Jones's scandalous spoof avoids copyright infringement by naming its old broads "Dorothea," "Blanchet," "Roz," and "Sophie." In case you didn't guess, they're nearly all done by dudes with dead-on comic impersonations. As if sloppy drag weren't enough to appease the queer East Village crowd, the conflict comes when the ladies learn that their loud, orgy-hosting neighbor is none other than Lance Bass (twinky actor Jody Wood, who put his Manhunt bio in lieu of his professional bio in the photocopied program). Only the Shady Oaks talent show can settle the score between the girls and gays. Trumping the silly-string-as-semen sight gags, "Dorothea," in the musical's ultimate "what, too soon?" plot twist, receives fellatio from a leather cub after getting gender reassignment surgery. If Betty White drops dead next week, these friends are to blame!

Tweaking gay stereotypes in a cleaner, classier way, Geoffrey Nauffts's Next Fall opened June 3 and closes July 5 at Playwrights Horizons. (According to the program, A-listers like Elton John and Sarah Jessica Parker contributed $5,000 toward the Naked Angels-produced play, so you know it's good!) Luke is younger and hotter than live-in boyfriend Adam, but their biggest problems stem from their polar-opposite religious beliefs: Yep, it's your classic Atheist-boy-meets-Christian-boy love story starring Patrick Breen and Patrick Heusinger (Lord Marcus on Gossip Girl ). Not only is Luke not out to his family, he still prays after sex, hoping he'll be saved if he makes amends with God before Judgment Day. (During one of the couple's debates, Luke argues that if repentant, Matthew Shepard's killers might reach heaven before Matthew.) A faith-clashing confrontation is unavoidable when a car accident lands Luke in the hospital. But in a show full of characters in need of a firm shoulder-shaking, you may want to bitch slap Luke's buddy Brandon, who'll have sex with black men yet won't fall in love for the sake of his Lord.