How LGBTQ Couples Can Set Up a Valentine's Day Threesome

We've all been trained to follow the typical Valentine's Day date formula: Flowers and candy. Dinner and a movie. Sex afterwards with some sexy lingerie or underwear thrown into the mix for a little extra chutzpah. It's nice, don't get me wrong. But it's all a little too... expected.

Instead of going the traditional route, why not use this romantic holiday as a time to explore your capacity for pleasure with a third party - within the confines of your loving relationship? Yes, I'm talking about having a threesome.

Now, when I say threesome, I don't mean the mainstream version where a hetero couple goes in search of a unicorn to help them spice up their dismal sex life. What I mean is bringing in a third party that you and your partner connect with on an intimate level to help you explore new avenues of pleasure you may not have tried otherwise. Maybe you've always wanted to try kink or start to tingle at the very idea of double penetration. Whatever it is, bringing some sexy new energy into the room could give you the nudge you need to try new things.

Start things off with a conversation

The first thing you and your partner should do is have a conversation about what you both expect to get out of the encounter. Talk about your wants, your boundaries, and what type of qualities your ideal third should have. Threesomes only work if you find someone both partners click with, so make sure this list of qualities is something everyone agrees on. Next, talk about your long-term goals. Do you want a one-time thing for Valentine's Day, a regular play partner, or someone who may be open to the idea of becoming part of a triad down the line? Once you've answered these questions you can get to the fun part...

Choosing your third

The thought of approaching someone you like about having a threesome can feel a little intimidating at first, especially if you've never done it before. It's not exactly natural to mosey up to someone and say, "Hey, do you wanna have sex with my partner and me?" So, how do you make this happen without feeling too awkward about it? Dating apps are certainly the easiest, most efficient way to find a third because you can automatically rule out anyone who isn't queer- or threesome-friendly. Plus, you and your partner can vet potential candidates together and exchange messages to see if you click before you consider an in-person meeting. This option may not be for everyone though as many people need to feel an interpersonal connection before they will even consider bringing someone into their intimate life.

If you already have someone in mind but you aren't sure if they're open to coming into your bedroom, it doesn't hurt to ask as long as you proceed with a bit of caution. If you already know the person is open to the idea of threesomes in general (and is queer-friendly) then set up a time to hang out and see if the chemistry is right. If sparks fly, then bring it up and see if they're interested in making your duo into a trio for a night. If you don't know how open they are sexually, send the partner who is best acquainted with them in solo to feel them out first so it's less intimidating. That way if they're not into it, no harm no foul. But if they are, you can proceed to next step.

Meet up before the threesome

Once you know everyone is on-board, make time to get together before Valentine's Day so you can get comfortable with each other and let the sexual tension build a bit. This will help assuage any lingering awkwardness that you don't want to bring along with you when it's time to heat things up. The most important thing you can do if your threesome is going to go well, however, is learn everyone's boundaries ahead of time. Take this time to discuss what everyone is interested in trying, and lay out any activity that is a hard "no" so everyone is clear on what's off-limits.

As far as what to do when you actually get there, I'll leave that up to you, but be sure to follow up with your third after the fact to see if they had a good time, and keep the lines of communication open so they know you really do enjoy what they have to offer as a person. One of my favorite things to do is head out for a post-threesome brunch the next morning so everyone can decompress and enjoy each other's company after a wild and passionate night!

Angel Rios has been a sexpert at AdultFriendFinder -- the world's largest sex and swinger community -- for nearly 15 years. She holds a degree in journalism from San Francisco State University, where she also minored in human sexuality.