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Now Kristi Noem wants privacy

After the former DHS secretary’s husband, Bryon Noem, was accused of having a secret cross-dressing fetish, she no longer wants to be the center of attention, writes Josh Ackley.

kristi noem waving

Kristi Noem, special envoy of the United States Shield of the Americas Program, waves as she leaves the Presidential Palace after a meeting with Honduras' President Nasry Asfura in Tegucigalpa on March 22, 2026.

Orlando SIERRA / AFP via Getty Images

Kristi Noem has made a career out of policing identity. She has pushed laws targeting transgender people, restricted access to care, and framed those decisions as moral clarity about who people are allowed to be. What began as political noise quickly became policy, enforced by the state, often against children. So when a scandal breaks inside her own family, and her response is to ask for privacy, the contradiction is not subtle. It is the system working exactly as designed.

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Privacy has never been extended to the people her politics target. Transgender people, and the broader LGBTQ+ community, live under a level of scrutiny that most Americans will never experience. Our identities are debated in legislatures, dissected on television, and reduced to talking points in political campaigns.

Transgender people’s bodies, their health care, their families, and their very existence are treated as public questions to be answered repeatedly, often by people with no stake in the outcome. There is no off switch. No private lane. Just a constant demand to explain, justify, and defend the simple act of being alive.

Related: Kristi Noem’s husband accused of living double life as ‘busty bimbo’ cross-dressing fetishist

Related: House Oversight Dem Robert Garcia celebrates Kristi Noem’s firing: ‘Now we don’t have to impeach her’

This would be easier to dismiss as a personal scandal if it were not happening in the middle of a coordinated political project. In 2026 alone, hundreds of anti-LGBTQ bills have already been introduced across the country, with hundreds more specifically targeting transgender people, restricting health care, policing schools, and inserting the state into the most private parts of people’s lives. The same politicians driving that effort are the ones now asking for privacy when the scrutiny turns toward them.

So maybe this is a moment to reconsider the rules. If privacy matters, it should matter for everyone. If identity is complex, it should be treated that way in law. And if living honestly is something worth protecting, there are already people doing that work every day, often in the face of the very policies Kristi Noem has championed.

Related: Kristi Noem struggles as Republicans & Democrats grill her in fiery Senate hearing

If Bryon Noem is looking for community, he might be surprised by what he finds. The people his wife’s politics have targeted are the same ones fighting for the right to live openly, without shame, without state interference, and without having their lives turned into a public spectacle.

Because for transgender people and much of the LGBTQ+ community, that spectacle is not an exception. It is the human condition.

And on Transgender Day of Visibility, it is worth saying clearly who has been doing the real work all along. Not the politicians writing laws about identity, but the people living it. The ones who continue to show up, speak out, and insist on dignity in a system that rarely offers it freely.

Opinion is dedicated to featuring a wide range of inspiring personal stories and impactful opinions from the LGBTQ+ community and its allies. Visit Advocate.com/submit to learn more about submission guidelines. We welcome your thoughts and feedback on any of our stories. Email us at voices@equalpride.com. Views expressed in Voices stories are those of the guest writers, columnists, and editors, and do not directly represent the views of The Advocate or our parent company, equalpride.

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