Issue Number 1005 | Labor of Love | Advocate.com Labor of Love  |  | Advocate.com

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Labor of Love
Is society ready for this pregnant husband?
By Thomas Beatie
From The Advocate  April 8, 2008
Labor of Love

To our neighbors, my wife, Nancy, and I don’t appear in the least unusual. To those in the quiet Oregon community where we live, we are viewed just as we are -- a happy couple deeply in love. Our desire to work hard, buy our first home, and start a family was nothing out of the ordinary. That is, until we decided that I would carry our child.

I am transgender, legally male, and legally married to Nancy. Unlike those in same-sex marriages, domestic partnerships, or civil unions, Nancy and I are afforded the more than 1,100 federal rights of marriage. Sterilization is not a requirement for sex reassignment, so I decided to have chest reconstruction and testosterone therapy but kept my reproductive rights. Wanting to have a biological child is neither a male nor female desire, but a human desire.

Ten years ago, when Nancy and I became a couple, the idea of us having a child was more dream than plan. I always wanted to have children. However, due to severe endometriosis 20 years ago, Nancy had to undergo a hysterectomy and is unable to carry a child. But after the success of our custom screen-printing business and a move from Hawaii to the Pacific Northwest two years ago, the timing finally seemed right. I stopped taking my bimonthly testosterone injections. It had been roughly eight years since I had my last menstrual cycle, so this wasn’t a decision that I took lightly. My body regulated itself after about four months, and I didn’t have to take any exogenous estrogen, progesterone, or fertility drugs to aid my pregnancy.

Reader Comments

These comments are reproduced as written by visitors to this Web site. They have not been edited for content, grammar, or spelling. The viewpoints appearing here are those of the writer, and do not necessarily reflect the opinion or views of advocate.com, The Advocate, or its affiliates.

  • Name: denise
    Date posted: 2008-05-15 1:01 AM
    Hometown: NY

    Comment:

    Why can't people respect a person's chosen pronoun? It is so rude to refer to Mr Beatie as "she". Good luck to him and his family. Him and his wife are not the problem for their child. A society that can't accept a loving family is the problem.

  • Name: J.M. Keeton
    Date posted: 2008-05-14 11:42 PM
    Hometown: Salem, Indiana

    Comment:

    These days, any child who is brought into this world with two loving parents is truly blessed. I know a lot of young kids in far worse situations than having an unconventional family. In light of the parent's commitment, I'd say the child has got a great start, and I can only pray that society will not prevent this child's happiness. Lots of love and best wishes to the new family!!

  • Name: dyna
    Date posted: 2008-05-14 9:07 AM
    Hometown: philippines

    Comment:

    hello.. as for me i will pray for you guys... i know you will be a good parents despite of all issues to tackle just because not male-female thing! You've taken the first step almost half there soon be a family. Can i nanny the baby...???

  • Name: Barb
    Date posted: 2008-05-13 7:51 PM
    Hometown: Texas

    Comment:

    im doing a research paper on this issue and i have decided to remain neutral. For your beautiful baby mr.beatie i hope he/she all the health and love of the world. If there could be anyway to interview you for my school paper that would be greatly appreciated. Best wishes and stay strong.

  • Name: Danielle
    Date posted: 2008-05-13 7:43 PM
    Hometown: New Hampshire

    Comment:

    Some of us don't believe in god. You need to accept the fact that not everyone keeps god in mind when they live their lives. They decided they wanted to have a child, and they are. Everyone should have a right to do so, and they took a stance to fulfill their dreams. Stop with your religious mumbojumbo and accept that there are a lot of people who simply think god does not exist.

  • Name: Stephen
    Date posted: 2008-05-13 6:44 PM
    Hometown: New Jersey

    Comment:

    i think this is ridiculous. i understand that you are dissappointed that your wife could not have a child, but that was god's will. god had probably said, "no this couple will not have a child." it is completely sinful to go against god's will. i lost a beloved 1 1/2 year old cat because of an embolism. i tried to change that, thinking that there was some way. i loved her a lot. but then i realized that i cannot change god's will, and neither should you. you are screwing up society and nature, and i hope you go to hell for that.

  • Name: sam
    Date posted: 2008-05-12 7:28 PM
    Hometown: harleton

    Comment:

    i have no problem and i think its great that you want to carry your child. but if you have a uterus, ur a woman

  • Name: Eileen
    Date posted: 2008-05-11 11:22 PM
    Hometown: Mexico City

    Comment:

    I must admit that I had a hard time deciding whether this was wrong or right... and not to me, but to nature, the world, the meaning of being a mother... I choose to let things be the way they are and be happy for the two mothers. Things just ARE, who are we to judge what god has enabled us to achieve? Let it be. Contratulations and good wishes from México.

  • Name: Kathleen
    Date posted: 2008-05-11 10:33 PM
    Hometown: Oak Lawn, IL

    Comment:

    I am so happy for you both. You're up against a lot here, but you will be in my prayers, especially come July. I am touched by your story and know how difficult fertility problems can be for "conventional" couples. Love your wife, love your daughter, be happy despite everyone else's issues. Good Luck!

  • Name: meriam
    Date posted: 2008-05-11 8:00 AM
    Hometown: Morocco

    Comment:

    1st of all u are not a male. U make yourself injected to amke yourself feel so. Once u will have the baby You will have the tears of a mother. I think the baby will need so much help really. Please think that world is strictly supervised by God no need to change nature. meriam with love

  • Name: Rimi
    Date posted: 2008-05-11 4:55 AM
    Hometown: Silbit

    Comment:

    Thomas, can u answer me what is the definition of mother? And what is of father? We know who give birth is called mother. It is not decided by sex whatsoever. So it means mother of your child is only you. It is very difficult process to give a birth of child. A mother suffer lot to give a birth of a child even she endanger her life with the threat of dead. That is why a mother is so worthy to us. She is everything for us. We can lay down our life for her. We always know that we are a part of her but what will happen to your baby. Can she will be able to feel the same way as we do about our father and mother. You are just going to destroy the life of your baby. You people going under SRS just for sexual healing but is life all about sex?

  • Name: Brett Bews
    Date posted: 2008-05-11 1:01 AM
    Hometown: Kindersley, Saskatchewan

    Comment:

    If you do some research about gender reassignment surgeries, you'll probably realize that female-to-male reconstructions are more difficult and have less desirable results than that of male-to-females, not to mention that any major-but-unnecessary surgery is costly. So I don't blame Mr. Beatie for not getting the surgery, and that certainly doesn't make him any less male. I mean, if I woke up with a vagina one day, I'd still perceive myself as male. This focus on sex organs is pretty childish, in my opinion. Open your mind. When I encounter something I don't understand, I see it as a learning opportunity, not an excuse to spout hate and insults (I'm still trying to figure out how someone could conclude that this person is "mentally unstable" from the information presented).

  • Name: Amber Falscroft
    Date posted: 2008-05-10 12:03 PM
    Hometown: Vassar,Michigan

    Comment:

    first off Mr.Beatie is not a "she" by no means of the imagination. yes he may have been a female at birth but then he had his sex changed it does not matter if he kept his female organs or not. i think it is a wonderful thing he and his WIFE are doing. and anyone that wants to judge them for bringing a beauitful little girl into this crazy world needs to shut their mouth and look at all the messed up things in their own life before they start trying to tear down this couple all because they want to have a family. i say all the power to Mr. and Mrs.Beatie. people just need to leave them alone and let them raise their child how they want to. it is not parents like Mr. and Mrs.Beatie that make bad childern it is the idiots out in the world that judge the child that make them bad. shut up and live your own life and leave them be. to Mr. and Mrs.Beatie i hope that you have a healthy beautiful little girl and i wish all the happines in the world to you and your family.

  • Name: BraveNewWorld
    Date posted: 2008-05-09 8:17 PM
    Hometown: London

    Comment:

    I think it's fantastic that two people who have shown so much love and commitment to each other have found the strength to create a family. They have been met with bias and rejection and have stood by their decision to create a family. I wish them all the best and would love to know how their girl develops in life. I can only hope that the insecurity and hate of all those opposed will not be directed at her.

  • Name: TaKayla
    Date posted: 2008-05-08 7:55 PM
    Hometown: M Town

    Comment:

    Well now it oughta be easy cuz in stead of having a lazy nasty mean good for nothing father your baby will have 2 mothers and i think every one else should mind there bussness congrades

  • Name: Linda Moore
    Date posted: 2008-05-08 10:32 AM
    Hometown: Panama City, FL

    Comment:

    But in all aspect, He is not really a he. He still has FEMALE reproductive organs. He doesnt have male organs. He didnt get the surgery done whatever. So I dont see how legally...he can be called a he. This pregnancy is all a publicity stunt. If they had really just been wanting children, it would have never blew up in th news the way it has. They would have went about their business and that would have been it. Good luck to the child...it will need all the help it can get.

  • Name: Angelica
    Date posted: 2008-05-07 11:52 PM
    Hometown: Irving

    Comment:

    You are not a man! you were not biologically born a man... You are a WOMAN that decided to change your appearance and act out the rest of your life as man, but this is not some historical event that is taking place. You re-nigged on your decision to be a man and I think had you had been born a hermaphrodite, with both sets of reproductive organs and became pregnant, this pregnancy would be more significant. You're decision to become pregnant simply indicates that you (and your wife) are not mentally stable. I understand your desire to have a biological child - but you are putting yourself in a situation that society is not ready to deal with.

  • Name: Kittie
    Date posted: 2008-05-07
    Hometown: Long Beach

    Comment:

    Even better still is the fact that if you had bothered to read on to the next page few pages it does give you the information you thought wasn't there. Nice to know you read the whole article before complaining about it.

  • Name: Shannon
    Date posted: 2008-05-07
    Hometown: Signal Hill

    Comment:

    Why do you have to have any more information. You want it, here it is...I did just a little research and found out that he was artificially inseminated. Are you happy now Mark Johns? Even though you have no right to any more information or details, if you truly wanted them you could have found them for yourself. This is a simple article with a very to the point message. A man that was once a woman is now pregnant. The how's and why's are not only not important, they are not your business. Besides that, if you couldn't figure out on your own that they did it artificially...I mean...how many ways are there for a transgender human being to have babies with a wife that is unable to carry one. It seems like a silly, and probing, question into the lives and inner workings of human beings you will never even know on a personal level. There was plenty of information, just because it didn't please your palette doesn't mean it 'wasn't enough'.

  • Name: mark johns
    Date posted: 2008-05-07
    Hometown: bangkok

    Comment:

    dont get it, how was the child concieved? who is the biological father? not enough information.

  • Name: Leslie Lucir
    Date posted: 2008-05-06
    Hometown: Eugene

    Comment:

    Congratultions to the happy couple! Parenting is the most difficult and wonderful thing you can do, and having the father carry the child will probably go along those same lines. Best wishes from a woman who acts as both father and mother.

  • Name: ernie einarson
    Date posted: 2008-05-05
    Hometown: bie

    Comment:

    there are so many people that have a problem with what Thomas Beatie is doing. i myself see nothing wrong. here is a PERSON who has the capability to have a child in the place of HIS wife. if it was at all possible, my wife and i discussed this, i would carry our child if we could get pregnant. as long as the child is healthy that is all that matters.

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