Advice: When Google Reveals Too Much About You 

Question: I know that just about
everybody Googles their dates before going out with them the first time.
Unfortunately, when you Google me, the first search result is a photo where I’m
showing, how shall I put it, way too much skin. My ex took the photo (we
thought it was hot) and later posted it (he was hot under the collar). My
question is this: Do I try to explain the photo to a new date before we even go
out? Wait for him to bring it up? Pretend I don’t know it’s there? 

Answer: Let me start by reminding you of
First Date Rule Number 1: “Don’t invite your skeletons along too soon — they
make for a crowded evening.” Whether it’s your involvement with AA, a prison
record, or a long history of psychotherapy, keep hot topics in the closet until
you’ve established some intimacy or connection. It’s all about gradual
disclosure. That’s not bad manners, it’s just good sense. 

But in your case, you may (and
should) break that rule because of First Date Rule Number 2:  “When meeting someone for the first time,
assume that you will be Googled — and pretend that you haven’t Googled them.”
Your photo is no ordinary skeleton, if only because it’s just a click or two
away. Sometime early on in the date, cop to the reality without being
defensive: “There’s something that I’d like to explain to you. You may have seen
a nude photo of me on the Internet, which was posted by an ex of mine. I’ve
certainly learned a lot since then.” If you want to try some humor, add this: “It’s
really amazing what Photoshop can do for a guy.” After that it’s really up to
him to decide whether to let it go, or let you go.

I decided to check in with Mr.
Manners’s resident shrink, Larry Tonberg Edwards, a clinical psychologist
with a LGBT practice in Oakland, California, to get his always-surprising point
of view. He did not disappoint:

“We all bring a history to the
table and revealing the foibles of one’s past is an authentic way of sharing imperfection.
It’s also a means of quickly discovering important information about your
potential partner’s character.  Their response to your candor will reveal
qualities of empathy, forgiveness, irony, and humor (or not!), which are indispensable
in the forging of a romantic relationship.”  

Then it’s time to go on the
offensive since you can take action to push that revealing photo farther down
on the search page. This is not only wise when it comes to romantic prospects,
but also it’s just as important when it comes to job or apartment hunting. (You
really don’t want someone from HR finding that picture when running a quick
search on your name, now do you?) The trick is to create alternate pages that
Google will deem even more relevant to your name than your risqué photo. As
those pages rise to the top, they’ll push the photo down — perhaps even into
the ignominy of the second page of results.

A good place to start is by
setting up profiles on major services like YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, and
LinkedIn. Those pages tend to do very well in search results and could take the
top slot pretty quickly. If you can buy the domain for your name and create a
little site for yourself, that’s even better. The site will also rank higher
than a mere photo in search results and will also push down any offending blog
posts, tweets, or videos. Just look what happened to Rick Santorum: Thanks to
Dan Savage’s heroic efforts, searching for  “Santorum” still points to the decidedly un-Republican site
called SpreadingSantorum.com, which carries the word’s “frothy”
definition.

And you thought your photo was a bad
link.

If you want to speed things along,
there are also a number of online companies, such as Reputation.com, that will
(for a fee) help suppress “negative content” because, as that site notes, “People
aren’t just searching for you, they’re judging you.” I wouldn’t be surprised if
they’re working with Mr. Santorum right now.

 Steven Petrow is The Advocate’s manners columnist and
author of  Steven
Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lesbian Manners and can be
found online at  www.gaymanners.com.
or contact him on  Facebook
and Twitter.  

Got a question? Email Steven at ask@gaymanners.com