Trans Dads Talk About Father's Day
BY Mitch Kellaway
June 15 2014 7:45 PM ET
I am a full-time single parent and every aspect of my life is shaped by our little family. I gave birth to both of my kids, ages 3 and 8, after transitioning. I am glad I had the opportunity to carry, birth, and feed my kids. I was trying to explain it to a stranger the other day and I finally just said, "I won the uterus lottery." It's a unique connection to have with my kids and a beautiful part of our family's story.
How will you be celebrating Father’s Day today?
This Father's Day I am renewing my commitment to feminist parenting as part of Rad Dad's #feministfathersday call to action. As a father of boys this is very important to me because I want them to grow up knowing that feminist action is everyone's responsibility, and I want them to have the tools to be allies to non-males and bring an end to patriarchy and misogyny. Also, we're going on a historic train ride!
Are there advantages to being a trans dad?
Being a transgender parent is lovely because in learning about my own most-comfortable gender I gained an appreciation for gender freedom and I intentionally make space for my children to do their own genders. It takes a certain bravery to transition, and a very similar bravery to parent. In both cases it can feel like the world is ready to tell me just how wrong I am doing things.
Being trans, I get a lot of chances to practice disregarding unwelcome judgment and comments. Parents receive a lot of criticism and I'm glad I already had practice doing what I think is right and not giving negative people much thought.
Do you face any unique issues as a trans dad?
I regularly encounter the need for gender-neutral bathrooms. Potty training is hard enough, but having to track down a gender-neutral toilet when a toddler is doing their best to keep it together can be a disaster. Allies can help by taking kids to the bathroom and advocating for gender-neutral bathrooms.