Transgender and nonbinary youth whose pronouns are respected attempt suicide less: report

Using the chosen names and pronouns of LGBTQ+ youth isn't just respectful — it's life-saving.

Transgender and nonbinary youth (ages 13 to 24) whose pronouns are respected were 31 percent less likely to attempt suicide in the past year than those whose pronouns are not respected, according to a new report from The Trevor Project. Nearly one-fourth (23 percent) of those who said none of the people they know use their correct name and pronouns also said they have attempted suicide in the past year, compared to just 10 percent of those who said almost everyone in their life respects them.

"Pronoun respect is just showing respect for someone, their identity, their feelings, how they take up space, how they navigate the world," Steven Hobaica, lead research scientist on the report, tells The Advocate. "When we don't respect someone's request to call them by the name that they go by or the pronouns that they use, that is actively disrespecting their sense of self, their dignity, and the fact that the vast majority of people in the world do not have a problem respecting someone's nickname or respecting a cisgender person who does change their name like that."

Related: The kids aren't alright: Depression and anxiety rates are skyrocketing among LGBTQ+ youth

Overall, less than half (46 percent) of trans and nonbinary youth said that their pronouns were respected by a lot, most, or all of the people in their lives. Unsurprisingly, older trans youth ages 18 to 24 were more likely to report pronoun respect (51 percent) than younger trans respondents ages 13 to 17 (40 percent). Though not addressed in the survey, Hobaica believes this could stem from the long-debunked notion that LGBTQ+ youth are somehow too young to understand their gender or sexuality.

"There's this idea that people think that youth can't know themselves, and that's just not true," Hobaica says. "All data that we have on this topic, as well as our own lived experiences with identity where many of us have very firm understandings of our identity at very young ages. These things don't just change overnight. Youth don't come to parents to talk about their gender the first time that they have a thought."

There were also disparities between binary and nonbinary identities. Trans boys and men (52 percent), as well as trans girls and women (48 percent) reported higher levels of pronoun respect than those questioning their gender (40 percent) and nonbinary youth (37percent).

Part of this is due to simply "the English language and how it's constructed, and what people are used to," Hobaica says. Many also think that gender neutral pronouns or neopronouns are a new concept, and new concepts often make people "uncomfortable." Many simply aren't aware that singular they has been used for hundreds of years, and neopronouns almost as long.

"What we do know is that by listening and respecting this person in front of us who is asking to be called by a specific name or use specific words when we're referring to them, it's going to really impact that person's experience in this conversation and afterwards," Hobaica says.

Related: Trump administration to defund suicide hotline for LGBTQ+ youth starting in October

With the holiday season in full swing, many LGBTQ+ youth are heading home to families who don't respect their identity. To queer youh, Hobaica says it's okay to remove yourself from stressful situations: leave the room, call a friend, or call a hotline. To their families, he emphasizes again just how far a little support can go.

"It's not about knowing every pronoun that exists and memorizing them and getting it right 100 percent of the time," Hobaica says. "It's about effort, and just attempting to be respectful and kind to people. Just doing your best to meet youth where they're at, and listening to them and doing your best to respect them."

If you or someone you know needs mental health resources and support, please call, text, or chat with the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline or visit 988lifeline.org for 24/7 access to free and confidential services. Trans Lifeline, designed for transgender or gender-nonconforming people, can be reached at (877) 565-8860. The lifeline also provides resources to help with other crises, such as domestic violence situations. The Trevor Project Lifeline, for LGBTQ+ youth (ages 24 and younger), can be reached at (866) 488-7386. Users can also access chat services at TheTrevorProject.org/Help or text START to 678678.