CONTACTStaffCAREER OPPORTUNITIESADVERTISE WITH USPRIVACY POLICYPRIVACY PREFERENCESTERMS OF USELEGAL NOTICE
© 2024 Pride Publishing Inc.
All Rights reserved
All Rights reserved
By continuing to use our site, you agree to our Private Policy and Terms of Use.
Amid the multitude of information written about the reign of the late pope, one item lodged itself in my brain. In 2003 a Vatican document written on behalf of John Paul II by then-cardinal Joseph Ratzinger--now Pope Benedict XVI--declared, "Allowing children to be adopted by persons living in [same-sex] unions would actually mean doing violence to these children."
As a lesbian mother of an adopted child living in a 14-year marriage (to a woman), I was incensed by that statement. I had to go for a run to calm my boiling blood. Did the spiritual leader to a billion people really tell the world that simply by loving my partner and daughter I am doing violence to my child?
When Rachel and I first adopted our daughter, she was living in an orphanage in rural China. She was underweight and infected with scabies--and she was one of the healthier babies! Some of the others were so undernourished or ill that they died before we arrived. Our daughter was 8 months old and could not sit up. She had never been bathed in a tub or held a toy. She would entertain herself by moving her hand from side to side, held high above her head, like a mobile.
The first time we held her, she smiled ecstatically. It was as if she knew that she had found her family. We felt the same way. For seven years we have loved our daughter. She has doting grandparents, cousins, relatives. She has a life of possibility ahead of her. Although her mamas are far from perfect, we encourage her to be and do whatever she aspires to. We do not hit or abuse her in any way. We do not call her names or allow anyone else to do so. We are fiercely protective of her well-being. How can the pope tell her that living with her mothers does her harm?
Staying in the orphanage--though her caretakers did the best they could--harmed her. Not having enough to eat? No one to comfort her at night? A lifetime of stigma for being an orphan? That is violence--to her body, mind, psyche, soul.
Patriarchal traditions and government policies in China cause biological parents to discard their girl children by the millions so they can try to have sons--95% of the babies in China's orphanages are female. This is violence. Welcoming these babies into our hearts and loving them is not. Forcing lesbians and gay men into the closet, where we must deny our love and identity in order to adopt--as Rachel and I did in China--is violence. This closed-minded bigotry is what harms our children. Being gay does not.
States that don't allow adoption by gays? Violence. Parents who disown their children for being gay or acting too butch for a girl, too fem for a boy? Violence. Teachers who underestimate children because of their race or class or gender? Violence. Lesbian- and gay-headed families who love their children unconditionally? That's love.
It's challenging to raise kids, no matter what kind of family you have. If your child is pressured daily to conform to a world that devalues her family, your challenges are multiplied. We gay parents strive to expose our children to an alternative world where their parents and families are valued and affirmed, not vilified. That is the antithesis of violence. Maybe it's not too late for the new pope to learn the difference
Want more breaking equality news & trending entertainment stories?
Check out our NEW 24/7 streaming service: the Advocate Channel!
Download the Advocate Channel App for your mobile phone and your favorite streaming device!
From our Sponsors
Most Popular
Here Are Our 2024 Election Predictions. Will They Come True?
November 07 2023 1:46 PM
Meet all 37 of the queer women in this season's WNBA
April 17 2024 11:24 AM
17 Celebs Who Are Out & Proud of Their Trans & Nonbinary Kids
November 30 2023 10:41 AM
Here Are the 15 Most LGBTQ-Friendly Cities in the U.S.
November 01 2023 5:09 PM
Which State Is the Queerest? These Are the States With the Most LGBTQ+ People
December 11 2023 10:00 AM
These 27 Senate Hearing Room Gay Sex Jokes Are Truly Exquisite
December 17 2023 3:33 PM
10 Cheeky and Homoerotic Photos From Bob Mizer's Nude Films
November 18 2023 10:05 PM
42 Flaming Hot Photos From 2024's Australian Firefighters Calendar
November 10 2023 6:08 PM
These Are the 5 States With the Smallest Percentage of LGBTQ+ People
December 13 2023 9:15 AM
Here are the 15 gayest travel destinations in the world: report
March 26 2024 9:23 AM
Watch Now: The Daily
Trending stories from our video partner Advocate Channel.
For more videos and shows go to advocatechannel.com.
Trending stories from our video partner Advocate Channel.
For more videos and shows go to advocatechannel.com.
Latest Stories
Over 90% of trans youth live in states pushing anti-trans legislation: report
April 23 2024 10:08 PM
George Santos pulls out of New York congressional race
April 23 2024 7:04 PM
Biden will hammer Trump over abortion bans in Florida speech
April 23 2024 5:00 AM
Tristan Snell, who brought down Trump University, sees conviction in hush money case
April 22 2024 7:36 PM
Joe Biden admin marks Earth Day with major environmental initiatives
April 22 2024 4:18 PM
Texas Gov. Greg Abbott: 'We want to end' trans and gender nonconforming teachers
April 22 2024 4:13 PM
Nonbinary 17-year-old killed two years after being reported missing
April 22 2024 3:46 PM