What to Expect at a Gay Wedding 

BY Steven Petrow

July 22 2011 10:00 AM ET

FRANK KAMENY AT GAY WEDDING 560x (GETTY) ADVOCATE.COM

If I’m the mother of a gay bride or groom, what will my role be?
You’ll probably be playing a supporting role at a gay wedding, with close friends of the brides or grooms taking center stage. On the one hand, this is good news, because you’re probably off the hook for picking up the tab. But, this also means you may not be included in the inner planning circle. You get to be an honored guest. Show up, love them, and make a toast.

Should the parents offer to pay, even if the couple is financially comfortable?
If it’s within your means to buy the flowers or pay for the rehearsal dinner, go ahead and offer that to the grooms or brides. Or you can make a cash gift. Or find another way to help out. Bottom line: Treat them as you would your straight kids, but if you haven’t saved for this wedding, don’t sweat it.

At a lesbian wedding, there will usually be two mothers of the brides. Who picks her dress first?
Ah yes, traditional manners dictates that the mother of the bride choose her outfit before her counterpart. In the new world order, the two mothers-in-law to be are just going to have to talk to each other and coordinate. Remember, it’s the brides’ day. Don’t do anything to overshadow them.

Do we walk down the aisle with them?
No, most of the gay couples who are about to marry are older, and there’s no pretense of them being “given away.” But they may ask you to join them at the altar.

  

 Steven Petrow is the author of Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lesbian Manners and can be found online at www.gaymanners.com.

 

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