It’s not every day that the most powerful military in the world installs a makeup room at the Pentagon. But then again, it’s not every day that America hands the reins of the Department of Defense to someone who seems to think national security is best handled with a bronzer brush, bicep curls, and a Signal app at the ready.
Keep up with the latest in LGBTQ+ news and politics. Sign up for The Advocate's email newsletter.
Yes, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth has brought Hollywood to the halls of the Pentagon, or at least the set of a bad reality show. It's been reported that the embattled secretary has added a private makeup suite to his office, because presumably the real enemy is uneven skin tone. While troops in conflict zones work under the weight of life-or-death decisions, Hegseth is working under a ring light.
Hegseth wanted a military full of “warriors.” And when you picture a warrior, you think of an unshaven muscle man with eye black blotted under each eye. But for the “warrior” that is Hegseth, it’s face powder, a bit of rouge, and plenty of eye shadow, and maybe even some mascara.
For a man who despises women, the irony is rich.
But that’s just Act I.
Act II stars Hegseth in a constant Instagram thirst-trap campaign, flexing in front of mirrors like he’s auditioning for the reboot of the warrior-wild movie 300. His social feeds include shirtless gym photos, carefully curated angles, and of course his ever-present tattoos, of which too many are racist and denote white supremacy.
While the rest of the Pentagon preps for global threats at rough and tumble Marine training facilities at Quantico in Virginia, Hegseth preps for Muscle Beach in California.
Then there's the drama of “Signalgate,” which has a “to be continued” card after the original episode. This is the part of the show where our lead actor decides to casually share classified military information over Signal. Twice.
The first time was horrific enough, but the second disclosure, this time that he was “signaling” to his wife and his brother, was just a supremely narcissistic attempt to show off. “Family, look at me, I can make war plans!.”
If any enlisted service member had done what Hegseth did, they’d be facing a dishonorable discharge and possible imprisonment at the very least. But Hegseth? He gets a slap on the back from the equally makeup-laden Donald Trump.
That’s because apparently, starring in Fox & Friends is all the experience you need to jeopardize American intelligence. As a former reality star who thinks that makes him qualified to be president, Trump thinks the same about the ready for his close-up Hegseth.
Act III? The “Warrior Culture” storyline, and this one is as silly as it is grotesque. Hegseth has made it his personal mission to kick transgender service members out of the military, claiming he's restoring grit and discipline.
What he's actually doing is wasting taxpayer dollars and undermining morale while courts keep blocking his bigoted policies, calling them what they are: unconstitutional and discriminatory. It’s a culture war masquerading as military reform, and in response, Democratic senators have accused the Defense Department of ignoring the courts’ rulings. (However, a leaked memo says the department is restoring gender-affirming care for trans troops.)
So Hegseth illegally shares military intelligence and then goes against the Constitution of the United States, which he took an oath to uphold. The storyline through all of this is being a “warrior” against democracy.
And as the vicious feuds around him escalate, staffers resigning or being fired left and right, aides leaking like sieves, the Pentagon under Hegseth’s leadership isn’t an epic war film. It’s General Hospital: D.C. Edition. A veritable soap opera along the Potomac River. You can almost hear the theme music swelling every time a staffer calls another “a danger to national security” in Politico.
But here’s the thing: This isn’t just embarrassing. It’s not just a circus or a punch line or an SNL sketch. This is dead serious, literally. We're talking about the defense of our country. And if you think America’s adversaries aren't paying attention, you’re mistaken.
Hegseth’s follies, the makeup room, the gym selfies, the leaking of classified intel, the internal purges, and the performative machismo are a flashing green light for enemies. They scream: “The grown-ups have left the building, so attack us at your will!” Even Rhode Island U.S. Sen. Jack Reed, the ranking member of the Senate Armed Services Committee says that Hegseth is a threat to national security.
Pete Hegseth was woefully unprepared for this job, and yet Senate Republicans, ever eager to please the Trump Show’s executive producer (not Mark Burnett is this instance but King Donald who calls all the shots now), rubber-stamped his nomination.
Hegseth has zero management experience. Zero experience with sensitive national security protocols, as demonstrated by Signalgate. Zero demonstrated leadership ability. What he does have is a documented history of accusations that he is a philanderer, an alcoholic, and an ideologue who confuses Instagram likes with public trust and the Signal app as a Sensitive Compartmented Information Facility.
If the military were a meritocracy, he’d be long gone. But instead, he's insulated by Trump, another man who turned television antics into terrifying governance. Trump is a bloated reality TV star, and Hegseth is his perfectly cast, camera-ready sidekick, a Defense secretary more focused on his own lighting than lighting up threats to U.S. interests.
In other words, there is no defense for the secretary’s unconstitutionality, his danger to national security, and his discriminatory "warrior" ethos.
This is no longer a Department of Defense. Under Hegseth, it’s a Department of Delusion. And the American people, and the men and women who actually wear the uniform, deserve a hell of a lot better than this glorified action figure.
And when it comes to the review of the reality show that is the Defenseless Secretary, it’s an emphatic “skip it” and a vigorous “two thumbs down.” In other words, someone needs to cancel the Hegseth show ASAP.
Voices is dedicated to featuring a wide range of inspiring personal stories and impactful opinions from the LGBTQ+ and Allied community. Visit Advocate.com/submit to learn more about submission guidelines. We welcome your thoughts and feedback on any of our stories. Email us at voices@equalpride.com. Views expressed in Voices stories are those of the guest writers, columnists and editors, and do not directly represent the views of The Advocate or our parent company, equalpride.
