#27BiStories: Appearing Straight, Appearing Gay, and Other Misconceptions Bi People Face
BY Eliel Cruz
August 26 2014 6:00 AM ET
What is the biggest misconception you face about your current relationship?
Leah, 22, Colorado: The biggest misconception about my relationship is that people assume that because I am dating a man that I must be straight.
Dave, 27, Scotland: To be honest I don't think I face any misconceptions really — not directly anyway — although I'm not out to that many people. However, I see all the time the "bisexuality is just a stepping stone to gay" myth, which is pretty frustrating to hear or read. I was having a conversation with a friend (who doesn't know I am bi) about a TV personality who identifies as bisexual and his response was "so he's gay, then?" I corrected him and maintained that they were different things, but I have to admit I felt myself lock down a bit.
Evan, 40, California: People assume that because I was married and have children that I must be heterosexual. Beyond that, people who find out I'm divorced and bisexual tend to assume my marriage failed because I'm "gay."
Beth, 42, Minnesota: That we’re lesbians. That we want to get legally married or that we already are.
Jake, 26, Washington, D.C.: I am currently in a same-sex relationship with a man. We are both cisgender men and he is gay. While I identify as bisexual, there is no easy way to determine this, so it is assumed I’m gay. Many of my boyfriend’s friends (who don’t know me that well) assume I’m gay and often use the term “gay” around me (whether they’re referring to me or not) rather than more inclusive terms.
Lucy, 46, Georgia: My primary long-term relationship is with someone of the opposite sex, so most people assume that I'm straight. I'm also poly, so people who meet me if I'm out with a same-sex date or partner assume I'm gay. It almost always causes some awkward moments when people find out the truth.
A.J., 29, Arizona: Most people assume my fiancé and I are a heterosexual couple when we are seen out in public because he is a cisgender heterosexual male, and unless I am waving a large bi pride flag or an LGBT flag, I appear to be a cisgender heterosexual female even though I'm bisexual. Let's be honest — even if I were to wave my bi flag, most people wouldn't know what it represented, and if it was the rainbow LGBT flag, I'd probably just be seen as an ally.