5 Sexy and Unexpected Valentine’s Gifts

Forget the chocolates and roses, that's so 2011. We've come up with five great gifts he -- or she -- will never expect.

A Toast You'll Never Forget: There's champagne and there's Beau Joie champagne, which is like the knight in shining armor of the booze world. You may have seen it on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (or even the finale of Entourage), in part because Hollywood loves the look and the taste. The bottle comes encased in 100% handcrafted copper, a gorgeous latticework of design that makes you barely want to open it. But you will, showing your date just how important they are. If the beauty of the bottle isn't enough: Beau Joie is naturally derived from grapes of Epernay, France, is a bit less expensive than Dom, and is a no-sugar-added champagne (that means no hangovers). $90 for brut, $110 for rose, BeauJoieChampagne.com

Make Secret Erotic Art: South African-born abstract artist Jeremy Brown has been making paintings during intimacy for over a decade, inspired by the 1960's French artist Yves Klein and various performance pieces by Andy Warhol. Now he's created the Love is Art Kitto inspire lovers to create their own masterpiece. Each kit comes with everything you need to safely make an abstract expressionistic painting while, um, you're having a fairly unique bonding experience on V-day. Brown says he spent 6 months researching and developing non-toxic materials (you don't want toxins there) and each kit includes washable paints, non-allergenic canvas, disposable paper slippers, body scrubber, and an enormous plastic sheet. $60, loveisartkit.com

A Safe-Sex Treasure Chest: Being safe can also be super sexy with the new Do It Knowledgeably (DIK) Buried Pleasure Chest. Filled with their new line of eco-friendly organic adult products, the Pleasure Chest includes stimulating action strip breath mints that combine horny goat weed with guarana, a secret formulation that they say will replace that little blue pill; an exclusively formulated water-based lubricant that never needs to be reapplied; a sesame seed-based, paraben-free massage oil, and some pretty cute individually-packaged assortment of condoms. Oh, and it all comes in a pretty sexy bamboo box that store other types of naughty things near your bed. "When you do it knowledgably, there's a level of intelligence, sophistication and respect among people. It's about using your head --literally and figuratively," said Bruce Weinberg, CEO of DIK. $40, doitknowledgably.com

Show 'Em You Dig Their Love Handles: From bears to fat and fancy femmes, lovers of big folks abound in the LGBT world. If you're one of them -- maybe even if you're not -- a perfect V-day gift is Hanne Blank's updated all-encompassing handbook, Big Big Love, which tackles relationships, sexuality, and big sexy confidence "for people of all genders, sizes, and sexual orientations who know that a fantastic love life doesn't necessarily have anything to do with the number on the bathroom scale." Covering everything from dating to sex toys to BDSM and getting on top, this cult classic -- which was culled from answers to questions from 700 men and women -- also features tips on navigating tricky sexual topics and "creating a happy, satisfying sex life in a culture where no body is ever perfect enough." $16, tenspeedpress.com

Jewelry That Doesn't Suck: We've all seen the ads for diamond rings and generic men's bands, which is great if you like that. But for less money, you can get a truly expressive ring like these from Monkeys Always Look. They make handcrafted message rings (you pick the message and anything from the lovely dovey Song of Solomon to the sardonic "You Can't Keep the Sky from Falling" will do) in silver or copper. Even better? Their Latitude and Longitude rings, which let you forever mark the place where you met, went on your first date, or fell in love. $92, monkeysalwayslookshop.com