TBT: Rituals of Male Grooming

The male body is a funny thing. It sprouts hair in a variety of places that, depending on the culture of the times, needs to be shorn, slicked, or plucked. Hair on the head needs to be constantly wrangled and coiffed. Then there is the issue about the way men smell. Below, a collection of recommendations for a plague of grooming issues.

Looks like the boys found another use for Vaseline.

Is your remarkable personality imprisoned ... by sweat?

Trol has a he-man fragrance. And luscious red lips.

Wearing Mom's sweater will not make a man out of your either.

Perfect for a close shave. .. and hacking your family to death.

Double edge and double entendre.

African-American history for your afro.

Yes, an underwear ad, but chock-full of semiotics of male anxiety. He not only needs a cowboy hat to shave in, but a straight-edged razor.

And speaking of symbols...

Just exactly what are "other groin irritations"?

Add more pouf.

Control your wig.

The Cruella De Vil Collection for Men(c).

The coach will be giving armpit sniff inspections later for all interested students.

After he finishes up here, Dad will show you about the benefits of a Brazilian.

PTSD (post-traumatic shaving disorder) has been known to affect men in the naval service by sending them into a highly manic state.

PTSD, big time.

Above left: Maybe it's time to just get used to scruff. Above right: Walter Matthau's secretary has boundary issues.

Hair: So many heartbreaking possibilities.

Must we call it Old Spice? Can't we just call it Spice? I'm feeling sensitive about the whole age thing.

Yes, son. When you grow up you too can scrape a sharp piece of metal across your face every day. It makes a man out of you!

If you skip past everything in this sad article, please, dear Lord, I beg you, watch this.

Mother once told me that men were "all hands."

Nothing funny here. Nope, not one thing funny at all.