Surrogacy is a difficult and expensive process for hopeful parents, but a new podcast from husbands Michael Lindsay and Matthew Schueller promises to pull back the curtains on the added struggles and expense of surrogacy for LGBTQ+ couples as well as the ultimate joy of the journey. The couple’s Who’s Your Daddy podcast is available now on Spotify, Apple, and all streaming platforms.
“‘Who’s Your Daddy’ is a podcast that depicts the intimate struggles and successes of becoming parents through nontraditional means,” Schueller tells TheAdvocate via email.
Advocate readers were first introduced to the married world travelers and their meet-cute in equalpride sister publication Out Traveler’s Spring 2022 print edition.
Schueller, the more social media savvy of the two at the time, came out on his YouTube channel while still in college. The video went viral and inspired other young folks to publicly embrace their sexual identity, including Lindsay from 1,300 miles away when he came out via a video reply. The fact that his reply came a year after Schueller’s original post affirms the lasting emotional resonance of the video.
PHOTO BY MARIA ORLOVA/MATTHEW SCHUELLER & MICHAEL LINDSAY
The pair married in 2018, and when they’re not posting about their travels and life together on their social media, Schueller is a trained nurse and Lindsay is a practicing dentist. The pair are now hard at work trying to start a family, and Schueller will share that process with their followers.
“Meeting with industry experts and guests who’ve quite literally manifested forming a family themselves, we’re learning how to make it all happen through the process of surrogacy, IVF, IUI, private adoption, foster care, and more," Schueller explains of their lengthy learning curve.
And one thing they've learned is that despite their best efforts, they were not prepared for the road ahead. As Schueller bluntly puts it, “We had no idea what we were doing.”
The pair quickly discovered the cost of the process itself was expensive, with a single IVF cycle costing upward of $30,000. Just as concerning, though, was the blatant disparity in the health insurance coverage between straight and gay married couples. Most insurance companies don’t cover surrogacy expenses for same-sex couples, Schueller says.
“Under many insurance companies’ policies, if a heterosexual couple struggles getting pregnant for a year, then they will qualify for benefits under their insurance policy,” Schueller explains. “However, the same insurance policy does not address or specify anything for same-sex couples. There’s no consideration of gay couples using IVF or fertility treatments at all, and thus it is at the insurance company’s discretion to omit coverage based on sexuality.”
The costs quickly add up, Schueller notes, with $35,000 bills not uncommon. In the couple’s home state of Oregon, couples experiencing difficulties in surrogacy can purchase additional coverage to cover the medical expense, with prices ranging from $5,000 to $35,000.
“Altogether, the cost of having a child through surrogacy without complications now averages from $175,000 to $220,000,” Schueller says, and many gay couples must bear that full cost.
Who’s Your Daddy promises to explore these and other issues, and, hopefully, provide answers to other gay couples trying to create a family through surrogacy.
“Many of the people we’re interviewing stem from the questions we have and need answers to,” Schueller says of the show’s lineup. “It’s insane because before we started recording the podcast, we thought we already knew a lot about our options and what we’re doing through surrogacy … but after recording just the first handful of episodes, we’ve completely changed our minds.”
PHOTOS BY BRADY BATES
The podcast will include a range of experts and LGBTQ+ voices.
“We interview our friends Terrell and Jarius from Instagram and YouTube about their journey through independent surrogacy. Speaking with them and hearing about their journey in-depth really had an impact on us … so much so that we’ve completely reconsidered our own path to parenthood,” Schueller says. “Denise and Ebony from Team2Moms, well known on TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube, share the story of their struggles conceiving through IVF and how they ultimately formed their family through both of them going through pregnancy!”
The happy pair welcome Kenny and Amando from 90 Day Fiancé: The Other Way — arguably the couple’s favorite show — to the podcast as well.
“We first saw them on season 2 of the show and fell in love with their story,” Schueller says. “From the way Armando handled coming out to his family, Kenny dealing with culture shock as he moved to Mexico, and both of them learning how to co-parent together — it was humbling to listen to them share a part of their story with us.”
The podcast will also feature experts like Brian Rosenberg, founder of Gays With Kids, and Becky Fawcett, founder of Help Us Adopt, who provides listeners advice and resources on how to navigate these many paths to parenthood given the changing laws and developing political climate.”
The couple also will share how surrogacy and impending family life will continue to affect their work and travel plans. Lindsay was already working two days less per week for travel, and Schueller had taken a sabbatical from nursing to focus full-time on his blog and the couple’s social media and travel. There will be tweaks to that schedule to center the new addition to the family while integrating them into their world traveler lifestyle.
“We are definitely planning to cut back on travel as we welcome a baby into the world, but we don’t plan on stopping it completely!” Schueller says. “We hope to be parents who can take their kids along with them on their trips and learn new ways to travel together.”
Lindsay reveals the process is proceeding on schedule, with five embryos genetically tested and ready for transfer.
“We are excited and cannot wait to find our surrogate,” Schueller says.
Schueller plays coy when asked for further hints about the future.
“We don’t have any names picked out yet … or that we’re ready to announce,” Schueller says before adding, “You’ll have to listen in to find out!”
Who’s Your Daddy is available on Spotify, Apple, or wherever you stream. You can follow Michael and Matt on Instagram and YouTube @michaelandmatt and TikTok @michaelandmatt1.
